I am terrible at blogging.

And for that, I apologize.

But I’m really good at other stuff, so let me tell you about them! Because that’s apparently what you do on a blog. Blah, blah, blah. Look at me. Hang me on the fridge with a bottle opener magnet.

I tricked myself into writing a novel. I did it by telling myself I wasn’t writing a novel, but was actually writing a “non-vel.” By the time I was finished, I had fifty-five thousand words, a gigantic manuscript to edit and a sequel to write to the novel or else anyone who read the novel was going to be incredibly pissed off at me. I guess I should tell you that the novel is directly related to at least two stories in “Black Friday” and one story in “Short Stories about You.” I’ve created a giant web, you see, and eventually, all the strands will be touched twice.

In other words, if you plan on buying the novel, you’re going to want to read the short story collections first. It will help.

As you know, I’ve been writing for Popshifter for more than two years, and now I’m co-hosting and producing the Official Popshifter Podcast. I host it with site creator and managing editor Less Lee Moore. It’s a monthly show, and it’s going swimmingly. I think we found our groove pretty quickly, and it’s a lot of fun to do. You should listen. You know. If you want to.

I’ve also picked up a new writing gig over at One Perfect Shot. I’ll be honest: I was nervous as hell accepting that gig. The people at that site know a hell of a lot more about film than I do. They use big words like “dolly” and “anamorphic widescreen” and “Fellini.” But I’ve written some good stuff for them, a couple reviews and some intros to interesting videos. You’re welcome to read all that stuff, too. Leave some nice comments. Or some bad ones. I wouldn’t ask you to lie for me.

Cootie and I have taken a slight break from “Kiss the Goat” in order to do some revamping and restructuring. We’re going to try some new things, knock down a couple of walls, put in a portico and a witch’s tower and come roaring back sometime in November.

We’ll do a few things in October, some small things, but October is a gigantic month for us. Cootie and I were married on Halloween six years ago, and being the people we are, we tend to celebrate for the entire month. My son turns eighteen this October, also, and I don’t even know how to react to that except to say, holy fuck, I’m incredibly old, I only want to watch television from the 1970”s when I understood things and everything made sense. Bring me some cinnamon applesauce in a feeding tube and inject it directly into my anus.

Hey, do you work for a publishing house? A small press? Would you like to publish my first novel? Great! Shoot me an email at jefferyxmartin@gmail.com and we’ll talk.

I’ll try to get better at this blogging thing. No promises. But I’ll give it a shot.

Thanks for everything!

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I am terrible at blogging.

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